Dear FYB,
I have a medical condition that means i get tired easily, im prone to being ill and im on a shorter school timetable. But the girls at school keep asking me about why im off or late or not participating. I don't want to talk to them about it, if they are my friend then they would stop asking me about it. Im upset because people are talking about it all the time and some people are making up illnesses that i don't have.
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on. I can understand why you would be upset; people who call themselves friends should be the first people you are supposed to be able to talk too & feel comfortable with. So it doesn't help when they are the ones along with the others that say unkind and insensitive things.
It sounds as though you have made a personal decision not to tell them specifically what you are going through, which is fine as you have the right not to tell them; so don't allow them to make you feel guilty for not telling them. Like you said if they are your friends they should be able to talk about other things.
Have you thought about looking at ways to address their curiosity?
Most people ask lots of questions when they are curious about something. If they are not told that you have a medical condition, yet see you possibly being treated differently they will get curious. If your allowed to come into school later in the day than they are or if you're allowed not to participate in PE for example, they will want to know why. This is because from their perspective it looks unfair, mainly because who wouldn't like to come to school later or have the choice not to do P.E especially on a day where you can't be bothered or don't have your kit?
I wouldn't dwell too much on their questions, but start thinking of some really good replies, so that you take control on what is being said and whether or not you want to entertain further conversations with them.
My examples would be to reply with sentences like:
- There is a reason why I'm allowed to come into school later than you, but I don't want to talk about it.
- Miss/Sir knows why I can't do P.E so that's the most important thing.
- I'm taking a break because I don't feel well; I will be ok soon, thank you for asking.
- Thank you for asking how I'm doing (or, where I was) but I'm okay now.
Don't be scared to say "I don't want to talk about it" as a reply on its own. Its just another and politer way of getting people to butt out.
I encourage you to speak to your Parent/s, Guardian and or a Teacher you trust at school, so that they are aware of what's going on, as they may be able to help.
I will also suggest that you think about getting to a point where your illness can be discussed in a group setting, either with your tutor group, teaching group or friendship group. If people know more about what you have not necessarily specific details. But an awareness about it means they have a better understanding and will get over it much quicker and probably even find ways to support you. Try speaking with an Adult that you trust at School or the School Nurse to organise something like this.
I hope it gets better and that we've help in some way.
All the best
FYB Connection
